The Chicken Face

Humans are morons. For me this is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand they are unpredictable and annoying, acting and reacting in ways that make no sense. On the other hand their limited mental faculties make them fairly easy to manipulate. My favorite manipulation method is what I refer to as the chicken face. It's a cute, but slightly sad, expression that I discovered would often get me fed treats, hence the name. But I quickly learned that with subtle adjustments to the cute/sad levels it could be used for many purposes. Humans having a conniption fit because I used a shoe as a chew toy? Chicken face. Need a back rub? Chicken face. Want to go on a walk? Chicken face next to door. Is it a perfect solution to their mental deficiencies? Of course not, but given what I have to work with I think it's an acceptable solution.

Recycling

I like to do my part to help the environment. I am confident in my ability to survive an apocalyptic wasteland, but I fear weaker animals, like humans and more importantly chickens, might die off. Without tasty chicken to munch on and humans to bring it to me, well let's just say I don't like to think about it. One way I have decided to contribute is to break down newspaper so it's quicker and easier to process it at the recycling plant. I think it's a brilliant way to help, but it seems to annoy my stupid environment hating humans. This has led to some conflict, but I will not back down from my ideals. And if they don't stop interfering they will pay with their fingers...

The Red Dot

The mystery of the red dot has long frustrated and perplexed me. What is it? It seemingly can't be killed, injured or even captured and yet whenever it makes an appearance I am compelled to try. I have spent countless hours chasing, biting, pawing at it, all to no avail. I have tried to ignore it, but it always draws me in with a hypnotic spell that I am unable to resist. I fear it may be part of some evil plot to distract or exhaust me...

Escape!

My captivity at the hands of the evil stuffed contamination is finally over. My brilliant and daring escape went far better than I could have ever imagined. After using my superior intellect to trick one of the feeble minded guards into opening my cell I overpowered it and made my way into the stuffed animals' base. I was able to take out two more guards before an alarm was sounded and that was when fortune truly smiled on me. The Bear, the stuffed animals' behemoth of a leader, came after me itself. As it was thundering towards me the moron tripped over it's own colossal feet and I gained the advantage.

The Bear is defeated. The rest of the stuffed animals are hiding in terror. I will hunt them. There will be no one to stop me this time.

Captured!

The stuffed fools have gone too far. The Bear and its nefarious henchmen launched a diabolical surprise attack which resulted in my capture.

My lone ally among the stuffed animals has managed to smuggle some chicken to me and get this message out. I am under heavy surveillance and I fear if J.J. continues to try to aid me the other stuffed animals will discover that I have an operative in their midst. I must escape soon.

I have tried to get a message to my hired muscle, Spaceflow or was it Downlow? Blast, I can never remember his stupid name. Unfortunately he has taken my orders to attack all stuffed animals on sight very seriously and J.J. has been unable to speak with him. It does not help that they are both morons. I need better lackeys. It's a good thing they can't read...

So it appears that I am on my own. Mark my words however: I WILL FIND A WAY TO ESCAPE AND I WILL MAKE THEM PAY. Originally I had planned to spare a few of the stuffed contagion to keep as slaves, now I will not rest until I have pulled every last piece of stuffing out of each and every one of them.

The Lawn

When I was a puppy I was rolling around in the grass when I got a dead slug stuck in my fur. This led directly to a bath. I have never forgiven the lawn for concealing the slug from me. I thought using it as my personal toilet might be punishment enough, but that didn't seem to have much effect, so I decided further action was warranted. I will not rest until it is destroyed once and for all. The fact that it keeps trying to choke me only strengthens my resolve.