The Time Has Come

These are dark times indeed. Various foul beasts openly roam the streets. The humans stumble about, drooling on themselves, oblivious to the danger. And these buffoons are the primary source of chicken! I can no longer sit idly by and allow the situation to worsen.

I have attempted in the past to create a dog army, but have failed because most of my canine brethren are weak-minded fools who can't, or won't, follow orders. Recent events have given me a new idea for the creation of my army. I have been contacted by two brave papillons who have pledged their allegiance to me. While an army of dogs may have failed an army of papillons will be unstoppable!

Okay, so their fighting style is a little weak. I am confident with my brilliant training methods that I can mold them into dangerous combat machines. And then there is the issue of their names, Snuggle Bum and Honey Bun. I mean I know it's not like Chloe strikes fear into your heart when you hear it, but then you see me and realize I am one to be reckoned with. I'm not sure they have that same presence. But I think I have a solution to this problem, upon induction into my army I shall assign new recruits code names. For these two I'm thinking Death Bringer and Tony.

And so I shall create the Size: Large Army of Papillon Terror or SLAPT. My minions will soon sweep across the planet, gathering all of the chicken and destroying any that dare oppose us!

Be warned world, you are about to get SLAPT.

El Gato Terribles

My humans found me a really good bone and I've been spending all my free time chewing it. I'd apologize for the lack of posts, but I really don't care. My brilliance is a gift, be thankful for what you get.

That said recent events have jolted me from my bone chewing haze. I have long heard rumors of sinister creatures of the night called "Cats." Most other dogs I have spoken to view them with a mixture of hatred and fear. Some, however, claim they are keepers of dark secrets on how to manipulate and control humans. Strangely I have never encountered them personally and in the past I have even considered seeking them out to see to determine what they truly are. That has changed.

I first saw one of the foul beasts while on a walk:

And then shortly thereafter one appeared on the fence that surrounds my back yard:

I know not why they have suddenly appeared but I instantly realized that these "Cats" are dangerous and terrible beasts and I was foolish to have thought I might be able to learn from them. Their teeth and claws are brutal weapons, sharpened to a razor edge. They are able to climb and jump with a level of skill that before I have only seen in much smaller creatures. Though I have a spotted them during the day, they seem to mostly come at night, mostly. I can only imagine what nefarious activities they are hiding in the dark.